I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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