Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This baby is an asshole
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
