Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
