Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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