is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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