she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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