OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
