well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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