I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize