Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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