please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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