I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
