It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
