I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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