Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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