Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize