glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
