ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
