I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
