whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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