Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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