My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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