look no pants
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize