There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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