We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
wow bdsm is so cute
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
