its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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