Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
