I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
