It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
BRING THE BAGELS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
