She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You are a genius and a whore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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