the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
