I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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