We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
