your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
