i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
