i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
