"it" just moved
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
