shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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