What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
