I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize