My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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