Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
