I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
