I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize