So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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