yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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