I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize