yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
