party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
