guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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