it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
