i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize