I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
