Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
