I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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