the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
