Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
