He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
