I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
