I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
