So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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