"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
