Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I will be naked everywhere
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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