I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
