genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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