508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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