you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
