i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
