i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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