i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
