So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
