Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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