you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have aggressive nipples.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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