You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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