Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
