Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What drink are we having for lunch?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
