I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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