you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish you could order shots online.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
