So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
