Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
