Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
