erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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