I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
