He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
