Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize