Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
